My Abbreviated Bulimia Story + Summer Denim on Denim
Yesterday, an Instagram friend of mine posted a picture of her body transformation over the last four months. She looked amazing! She gained 4 pounds, increased muscle definition, but the most prominent transformation to me was how happy she looked in the second picture.
The post mentioned how she loved her body in both and that she was learning so much through her fitness journey.
Then the haters came in, saying all types of mean things about how she didn't really transform and how she was so silly for posting the post. I normally don't engage with the trolls, but this time around I was so upset and felt compelled to defend my girl. I understand how these harmful comments can come back to haunt women.
I've been there.
Throughout my early 20s, I went back-and-forth with exercise bulimia and regular bulimia. I would eat and throw up or I would eat and exercise for hours. I remember the ps and downs. The days I would lock myself in my room and not leave the apartment. Nights I would order hoards of food, then throw it all up. The times I would be at the gym for 3-4 hours doing waaaaay too much cardio. My friends thought I was happy and fit and they saw me as someone who was a healthy person.
I was anything but healthy.
I remember anytime someone said something about my body, even jokingly, I would take it to heart and punish myself for days.
I had a negative outlook on life, my body, food, and was depressed. I tracked calories and beat myself up if I "messed up" The struggle was so real and I truly felt empty and lacked confidence.
I thank God every day that I'm still here and his grace allowed me to pull through that time. The last year and a half or so, I've really dug into this journey of discovery and enjoying who I am. I ended up in a place where fitness is a release and a way for me to be strong and healthy.
So fast forward to today when I saw all the negative comments toward my friend, I was triggered. These people (mostly men) tried to tell a woman what she should and shouldn't say about her own body, on a platform that she built for herself, to share her own journey.
I've learned over the years that people who lash out at others in crude ways generally hate themselves, but I still know that words like these could potentially affect someone on a psychological level.
I applaud anyone who journeys to build a healthy sustainable lifestyle and hope that no one would judge my progress.