Every once in a while I'll be working toward something and I suddenly realize: "Wait, this is not what I want!"

Then it is a waste of my time. I got me thinking  how often do we work towards goals we don't even care about?

I set out on a mission to learn how to set goals I actually wanted to achieve.

Determination: The act of coming to a decision or of fixing or settling a purpose.

Having determination is to be resolute about a goal and to do everything in your power to make it happen. You can take anything and make something from it. You feel like you are unstoppable and nothing  neither person or circumstance  can hold you back.

A mindset like this is what will push you, propelling you forward and bringing that unstoppable and amazing person out from inside of you (you are already awesome by the way. No one can teach that). When you decide something is right for you, you become willing to put in any hard work that is required. Even if something does not work out the way you planned it, you still desire achievement and the gumption to persist.

But what if the goals you set are goals you don't even want?

That is a hard question. Often, we become so preoccupied with goals that people set for us  expect of us, that we disregard about our individual goals. The goals that keep us awake because we cannot stop thinking about them. (quote stolen from a texting conversation..)

Take this scenario:

Tina works at a corporate office as an entry-level Allocations associate. She actually does not like her day to day activities or her pay and has decided on a path to be a manager in the Allocations department, this way she can earn more money. Every day, she comes to work makes contacts and pushes herself to do her job and becomes the highest performer. She is drained at the end of the day because she does not enjoy what she is doing.

Soon, her manager is promoted to Executive Vice President and she is offered the  management role. Tina is so happy that all that hard work paid off and gladly accepts her new role.

After the excitement and the newness of making more money wears off , Tina recognizes that she still hates her day to day activities. She does not enjoy working in Allocations at all and begins thinking about how to get to her next goal.

This is an example of reaching the wrong goal. Tina does not like Allocations so setting a goal to be an allocations manager was not the best goal to reach for. Sure, she made more money but more money to do more of what she cannot stand? When it comes to goal setting, it is very easy to fall into reaching for the obvious goal. The one that looks pretty to everyone else. The one that may bring more money. Goals that you may get to and not be happy about at all. That sounds miserable doesn't it? There is not one person in this world that wants to live this way (willingly). As we set goals, we want them to be ones that will bring satisfaction versus instant gratification.

“Tiffany, how can I set goals that I want?”

Well friend, I am glad you asked because I have a thoughtful answer for you.



Sometimes, we don't actually know what we want to do and that is ok. In order to effectively learn how to set goals, you need to determine what is not necessarily a goal, but an overarching life theme. I’d like to create a life where I have the ability to spend time with friends and family much more regularly and give more of my time and money to help people. From there I can ask myself a few questions:

“What do I enjoy most?”

“What makes me the most excited?”

“Who do I want to spend time with?”

Asking yourself these questions will help you to learn how to set goals you'll actually want to achieve and pave out the type of life you want to live. Once you understand that, you can look for goals that will match that life.

So if I were Tina the scenario could have gone this way:

Tina works at a corporate office as an entry-level Allocations associate. She actually does not like her day to do activities and has decided to try to find out what she actually wants to do. Every day, she comes to work makes contacts and pushes herself to do her job and be the highest performer. All the while she has been searching the company website for open positions and comes across a position that will allow her to create E-courses for new associates. Tina loves to teach and coach and feels energized just by the thought of it. She begins researching the position and setting up meetings with internal contacts that works in that department. Soon she interviews and becomes the newest member of the E-course team. She is much happier.

Do you see what I mean? Tina did not understand how to set goals in the first example. Setting goals for things we don’t actually want will not add value to our lives (even if it means more money. More money is not always equal to more value).  It will only make us more miserable in the long run. If Tina continues climbing the corporate ladder in a role that she actually hates, she will burn out and be unhappy every single day.


Would you mind doing a little exercise with me, because I really love when you do exercises with me. (Did I mention how much I love exercises!?):

Take out a piece of paper and start writing down things that matter to you. Try to make these more about mental and physical health (developing healthy eating habits, finding ways to be more relaxed) instead of tangible things you may want (new car, computer, house...) From here, you'll have an easier time developing attainable goals.. As you are crafting your list, keep in mind that you want your goals to be reasonable and specific.


Setting goals that are realistic and attainable. It is reasonable for me to say, “I would like my blog to average 10,000 page views a month within 4 months.” It is unreasonable for me to say “I want to hit 1,000,000 page views by the end of next week!” (Let’s be honest, we all come up with crazy goals)

When you are setting your goals, it is key to be mindful of the types of goals you are setting. You want to be realistic because if you are not, you may run into discouragement, and many many failed plans. This can become a vicious cycle leading to a laundry list of "shoulda, coulda, wouldas." Setting reasonable goals is the best way to develop a sense of achievement that will continue to to lead you down a path of satisfaction.


Specificity will help you create a clear plan for your goals. It is very vague for me to say:

“I want to be a successful blogger”

It is specific if I say:

“I want to successfully build a blog audience in which I create an open environment to share information about personal style and self growth.”

Once you have set an attainable goal that is specific and reasonable, you can create an actionable plan to reach it. Your actionable plan is  really just a list of smaller goals that help you to reach one main goal.


As you learn how to set goals, it is important to create a plan.  An organized plan is what will help you go from setting goals to reaching goals. It is all about knowing what the next step is. You are basically setting yourself up to take bites you can actually chew. (because everyone hates stuffing their mouths with chicken only to find that it is dry un-chewable. Let’s go ahead and avoid that)

Look at your main goal and list things that will need to take place in order to get there. For example:

"I want to lose 20 pounds in 6 months"

Sub goals:

  • create an exercise plan
  • eat less carbs and increase protein and vegetables


  • create meal plan
  • join a gym
  • create a schedule to work in 3x a week exercise.


Today, I want to encourage you to be determined to reach your goals. I want you to feel confident as you learn how to set goals that you actually want. Whether you want to learn to build your wardrobe, learn a language, start a business, or just meet new people, become resolute in your mind that you are doing this! Be willing to exercise patience and put in the degree of work necessary. I guarantee, you will not only feel a sense of achievement, but you will also gain more confidence and learn more about who you are.

Also, I want to make sure you understand that this type of goal setting can apply to ANY type of goals. Your relationship, work  anything.

Finally, you may be asking yourself

"What does this have to do with style?"

I tell ya, I am a firm believer that everything works together. Your style reflects exactly who you are whether it is true to what you desire or not. This is all part of my grand master plan to help you discover who you are,and what you want. As you learn how to set goals, you'll discover more and more about yourself and then your style will become more clear to you! You can actually sign up for the mailing list to learn more about how to find your style.

Tell me, what is your reasonable and specific goal? I love when I get to hear from you and gain just a little insight to your lives!

Now that we are all motivated to set some new goals, would you mind sharing with your friends? I’m sure they want to know how to set goals they actually want to achieve too!